Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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