she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
