I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
