She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
