if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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