even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
