just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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