He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
