The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
