You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize