Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
