Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
