genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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