so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
