I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
