Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
