he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
