is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
