I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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