Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
