a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
