I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
