I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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