Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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