booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
