Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
