Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
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she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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