the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
