How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
