I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
