I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
