I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
