My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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