Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
