i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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