I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
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