god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I believe in your delicious
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
