): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
