My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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