Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
