Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
