its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
