Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
