i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
