so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
