If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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