i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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