I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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