New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
