Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
