k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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