I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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