mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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