i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
