so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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