update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
