More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
