Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
