great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
