okay pat passed out under dana's car
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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