How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
