is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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