You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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