sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
