she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
