Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
