You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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