I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
