and you said cock pushups were impossible
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
