I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
