If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can't turn off my feet"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
