Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
