Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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