remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
