Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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