New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
