16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
