I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
