do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Let's paint friendship bongs
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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