Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
me + whiskey = a bad person
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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