How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's shark week go big or go home
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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