I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
