you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
