Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
